Strict Connecticut

Lily and I are on the way home from the Manor. After hearing about her pop lacrosse near-triumph (they lost 9-15, but Lily always sees the positive side) and a few funny dorm stories (Tammy the matron says there's an invisible Wall of Smell between one half of the dorm and the other – I'm pleased to discover Lily is on the Side of Sweet Perfume and not Stench), I broach the email question.

'Now, darling, have you heard of netiquette?'

She looks blank.

'Have you heard of etiquette?'

'Nope. But I've heard of Connecticut. It's in Madagascar.'

'What?'

'In the film, it's where Marty wants to get back to.'

'Ah.'

There's a silence while I consider whether it's worth tackling the importance of the bcc at this juncture. I decide that, as ever, I would only be wasting my breath.

'Do you remember I told you Mattie has a pet scorpion called Fluffy?' asks Lily. 'It just died and they had it...'

'...cremated,' I offer.

'Nowuh!  What do you call it when you keep it and have it...'

'...stuffed.'

'Nowuh! when you put stuff on it and it keeps it for ever.'

'Pickled.'

'Nooooo! It begins with muh... muh....'

'Mummified.'

'Nowuh! Varnished. That's what they did. They varnished it and put it in a translucent box so everyone could admire Fluffy.'