Friday, 4 March 2011

Over the desk

‘We don’t need anyone at the moment,’ says Mary in the office at the Manor. ‘But there is quite a turnover of junior matrons.’ No, no! The juniors are all Ugg-booted gap year students, who share a Nissen hut with cracked lino on the floor. Surely it hasn’t come to this?

‘Someone of your age would be more likely for the Senior Matron or Assistant Matron roles,’ continues Mary as if reading my mind, ‘but they’d normally have some experience…’.

‘I am a mother,’ I say.

‘There are a couple of part-time mummy figures who assist,’ says Mary helpfully. ‘They get paid by the hour, they do two or three days a week plus night cover once or twice a week.’ She’s a bit cagey about the pay, but I wheedle it out of her. £10 an hour plus £45 for a night. So, let’s say three days times eight hours = £240, plus £90 for two nights = £330 x 36 weeks a year = £11,880. That doesn’t even cover a year’s school fees!

‘Any concessions on school fees?’ I enquire.

‘No,’ says Mary. ‘But you could apply for a means-tested bursary in the usual way.’

A bursary. Of course! Will email Sir John Bradshaw, the chair of the governors!

Good, that’s done. Am motoring this morning! Will just check out what else is available online. Google ‘boarding school matron jobs’. Here we are. Oh. No we’re not. They’re all nursing jobs. Try again. Bum. They’re all jobs for RGNs, which seems to be the new name for nurses. Back to Google. I wonder what this is? ‘…job as an assistant matron in a boarding school…’ Yuk! Some young matron’s horrible story about being required to witness children being caned and then having to inspect their wounds. What is this site anyway? Click ‘Home’.

Over the Desk. Like you, we’re just ordinary spanking enthusiasts.

Oh my God! Forget it, I’m not going to be an assistant matron.

Ping! Email from John Bradshaw. Good service.

In haste. Grants all allocated until end of current school year. I’ll send you an application form, but school numbers are low so there ain’t much money in the pot.


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