Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Eliza Gray, ENP, UAGF

Eliza Gray
Reliable, efficient, helpful
No job too big or small
Your wish is my command

Oh God. The only thing I can settle on is my name. I'm trying to compose an ad for the Mistlebourne Mag. Everyone else has letters after their name. BA (Hons). PGCE. VTCT. HHHT. MVB. MRCVS. Can't imagine anybody in the village knows what they stand for, apart from the BA, but they're all very trumped up and important-sounding, unlike plain Eliza Gray. Hmmm. Shall invent initials.

Eliza Gray, ENP, UAGF
There. Extraordinarily Nice Person, Universal Aunt and General Factotum.

Gosh, this is hungry-making work. Like Old Mother Hubbard, I rifle the depleted store cupboard. Aha, a can of tom yum soup. Excellent, will have that for lunch. The healthy choice. Oh! Just spied the Mature Cheddar & Red Onion Kettle Chips peeking from behind the spices. My hand reaches up and I pull it back. It reaches up again as if I have no control over it. I’m not interested in self-discipline, I tell the small voice inside me that is trying to renounce the devil. It’s not as if I’ve got long to live.

Mmmm. Addictive. Mmmm. The soup’s really good too. I take the bag of chips and the bowl of soup back to my work cupboard and place them to either side of my computer. I alternate between the slimmer’s and the obese person’s options. 

Eliza Gray, ENP, UAGF
Highly Experienced, reliable, efficient local mother, cook and dog-owner available to take over when you have too many balls in the air. help out when you need an extra hand.
* Home-cooked dishes and American confections (eg chocolate brownies) delivered to your door
* Universal Aunt - babysitting, child-ferrying, stand-in mothering
* Taxi service Lifts to and from Candlebury and in local area
* Home boarding for dogs, dogminding, dog-walking 
* Specialised cleaning - ironing, window-cleaning (ground floor only), silver-polishing
* Decluttering 
* Errands, eg to the bank or post office, delivering or picking up items

There! I'll be inundated!

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